Episode Transcript
What would you do if you saw a ghost? Run away? Pull out your camera phone to record a video? But what if you saw a demon-ghost-dog? Yes, dear listeners, we have another installment in our Hauntings series and this time we’re going global to explore some Haunted Castles.
So stick around for more tales of ghostly apparitions and a demon dog who guards a fortress in Norway, here on The Mortician’s Daughter.
Dun. Dun, dun, dun...
Hello, my fright fiends, I am your resident Mortician’s Daughter, here to return to a favorite topic - ghosts. This week is cold, even in the desert, and the streaming apps are funneling all the kitschy joy a romcom castle can bring to your holiday season. All that candlelight and plaid, it marks the season for some.
And, as I’m sure I’ve said before, I’m ready to celebrate anything. You just tell me the rules and what to bring and I’m there. Deck the halls with Christmas trees! Light the menorahs! Potluck Karamu! Eid al-Fitr? Sign me up. If there’s a holiday and I’m invited, I’m down.
How did I even get here? Holidays, holiday movies, Hallmark Castles, and that leads us straight to our topic for this discussion: Haunted Castles.
Okay, let’s go back to that demon dog… In Oslo, Norway, there stands a fortress, the Akershus Fortress to be precise, that was built in the 13th Century. The fortress was the king's castle during the medieval era, after construction was complete in the year 1299.
Now, way back when, placing a living thing in the walls of a building during construction was said to bring luck. So, cats and dogs, and, yeah, women, were sometimes bricked into walls.
So the folks building this fortress decided to place a dog in the walls during construction, but it didn’t quite work out like they hoped. Rather than bequeathing luck upon the inhabitants, they created a demon dog who would haunt the fortress for centuries.
The Malacanis, or evil dog, as it was termed, would roam the dark hallway where it had been bricked up into the wall. Rumors of the haunting spoke of a devil dog with red eyes.
Then somewhere around 1550, the hallway where the unfortunate dog had been bricked into the wall collapsed. The guards were all terrified of this demon dog so they refused to investigate the hallway.
Yeah, they were so scared that the only person willing to walk down the hallway was the commander of the fortress. So this commander, Peder Hanssøn Litle, heads down this dark passageway to investigate what might have caused the collapse.
The commander set out down the dark hallway with a torch and he saw a figure in the shadows. Yes, it was a dog, with glowing red eyes and fangs.
Now, for me, that would be the end of the story. I would have turned heel and bolted out as soon as I saw the red glowing eyes, but I guess that's me because the commander took a much different approach.
He fought the dog. At least, that’s how the story goes. The commander battled the ghost dog, only finding his escape when he threw his torch at the beast which then vanished. Then, at death’s door, he was able to crawl his way out of the hallway and utter the word “malacanis”.
He survived the ordeal, but random side note, the commander died just a month after his run in with that demon dog when he was thrown from his horse. Now that’s a bummer.
That untimely end sparked a rumor that the demon dog would not only fight you if you invaded his territory, but could curse you with just a glance from his red eyes. From this perspective, the commander was still a victim of the hellhound’s curse.
In 1567, just 17 years after the incident with the commander, another soldier at this fortress was thrown from his horse and died. People claimed they had seen this soldier around the area where the ghost dog made occasional appearances. Dots were made and then connected. The soldier had seen the malacanis and been consequently cursed.
Now, I gotta say, I haven’t been able to turn up a lot of information about this demon dog and that always worries me. Sure, we might be talking about rumors most of the time here, as most ghostly tales do not arise from research or scientific rigor, but rather from personal accounts.
And personal accounts have two very problematic aspects, in my opinion. First, people only observe a fraction of their environment, especially under duress. Second, with time, details are lost and filled in. The memory falters and then the story becomes the memory.
See where I’m going here?
Anyway, another account I found about the vicious ghost dog of Akershus Castle claims that a guard dog was buried alive at the Main Gate in hopes of providing some extra protection at the castle's weakest point.
No surprise, dog angry about heinous demise becomes the Malacanis or Malcanisen which means "Vicious Dog" in Norwegian. This time around, the dog's curse follows a bite from the animal, not just a glace from his evil red eyes. Yep, those bitten by the ghost dog will die within three months, as the story goes.
Akershus Fortress is listed as a haunted place on all those lists of haunted places, but that has more to do with the human tragedies that mark the medieval castle's history. It has served as a military base and a prison. Think about it. Akershus stood guard over Norway's capital harbor since 1290.
Yet in all those years the fortress was never breached by invaders or hostile forces, although it was surrendered to the Nazis during WWII. The royal family of Norway fled to safety. Germans executed people while they held Akershus and, after the war, Norweigans executed 8 traitors and war criminals who helped the Nazis take power.
Long before that, however, part of the castle was turned into a prison with a section known as The Slavery. That's because these inmates could be rented to do work in the surrounding city. Prison life was pretty brutal at the fortress and the prison part was eventually shut down in 1950. Smart move.
Akershus carries a history of violence and that is often the breeding ground for ghosts or ghost stories - human or hellhound.
Okay, so we’ve touched upon the haunted castle and fortress of Akershus in Norway, but now I’d like to jump to a slightly older castle in Germany for our next haunting.
Built in 1157, Burg Eltz is surrounded in myths and legends, but one really stands out because of the ghost who remained to verify her story. Maybe.
Even Conde Nast, the prestigious travel magazine for those wealthier than me included Burg Eltz on its list of Most Haunted Castles Around Europe and, let me tell you something, there are a lot of haunted castles in Europe. A lot a lot. A silly amount of lot.
This castle, ancestral home to the noble Eltz family for more than 900 years, has been left to the care of the eldest son throughout the generations, but it's a daughter of the Eltz family who truly stands out as protector… and possibly its ghost too.
One fun fact I found during my reading pertains the decoration in the Knights Hall. The walls of the room are decorated with jesters' heads. Now, I'm pretty sure they aren't referring to actual human heads, but more statement piece that sinister warning.
The reason for this unique design decision has more to do with the role of court jesters in Medieval Europe. Jesters were the only people allowed to say whatever they wanted without fear of repercussions. That gave them a freedom of speech unlike their contemporaries while their comical nature also carried a measure of humility. They were both wise and foolish but they could hand out harsh truths with humor that gave them a pass on, you know, having their heads cutoff.
Have to say, in my personal life, I lean into this quite a bit because I’m really into transparency so I don’t hold in the things I want to say when I want to say them. And, so I don’t get bludgeoned, I do this with humor. At the very least, I try and I always know someone in the difficult conversation will be amused… even if it’s just me.
Ok, okay, let’s focus here. Eltz Castle and Countess Agnes. According to legend, Agnes was the daughter of the 15th Count of Eltz. She had a brood of rowdy brothers and she was known to run amok with them. But given the time and the family's noble placement, a marriage was arranged for Agnes by her father. Yes, Agnes was to be wed to a prince of Braunsberg, but when she met the young man, she was less than impressed.
So Agnes brushed him off. A few years later, the young prince returned to Eltz Castle to prepare for the nuptials. Agnes ignored him outright until the prince yanked her onto a dance floor and forced a kiss upon her.
Now Agnes is enraged and slaps the prince across the face. So the prince becomes even more enraged and leaves the castle in a fit. Let’s just say the marriage didn’t work out. The young prince returned with his father and the knights of Braunsberg to attack the castle.
The guardsmen were taken by surprise and the fighting moved into the castle. Now, this is where Agnes decides this is her fight. After all, it’s her betrothed and his knights tearing through her home. So she puts on her brother’s armor and sets out to protect the family castle. And yet, despite her valiant efforts, she was killed in battle in Eltz Castle.
According to the tale, her killer was her betrothed who only realized it was her when he pulled back her helmet after the killing blow. He was so upset he fled the castle. In the history to follow, some people have claimed to see a ghostly knight on horseback approaching the castle and some even claim that second ghost is the guilty spirit of that lousy prince.
In her former bedroom, now called The Countess Room, you can supposedly find her armor, battle-axe, and restless spirit. Staff have also claimed that Agnes haunts the hallways, messing with the lights and locked doors at nighttime. Maybe Agnes is just waiting for a chance at a rematch.
I will tell you this, dear listeners. Those currently managing the estate say that the Countess Room is also called the Nursery because of the paintings of young nobility and children that hang on the walls. They make no mention of Agnes and her weaponry.
Okay, you'll have to forgive me for the crass digression I'm about to embark on, but while I was combing through the castle's official website to see if I could turn up more on Agnes, her armor, or maybe that battle-axe, I came across something else. Something surprising. Something called a Dukatenscheisser which translates to "man defecating gold ducats" except they don’t use the word “defecating.”
Apparently, this Dukatenscheisser is not the only one, but a mere example of this mythological creature that artists of the Middle Ages found particularly amusing. In addition to this ivory and gold Dukatenscheisser, you can see one carved right into the facade of Kaiserworth Guildhall in Goslar, Germany. A fancy ornamental money shitter. That’s our piece of history today, kids.
Enough with the Dukatenscheisser, let’s get back to these haunted castles. There are too many I want to talk about, but I’m worried a lot of my favorites will take up more time than we have left. Okay, Falkland Palace will have to wait. That's a good one. And don't even get me started on Edinburgh or we could be here all day.
I know, let’s head to Airth Castle and I’ll try to talk real fast…
Airth Castle, as it stands today, is not actually the original fortification which was destroyed in 1488. And, by 1488, a rich history had already marked this place. In 1298, William Wallace of Mel Gibson-fame attacked the castle to rescue his uncle who had been imprisoned there.
The castle was rebuilt after its destruction and became home to generations of Scottish nobility, including Mary Bruce who was a companion of Mary, Queen of Scots. After the Jacobite uprising in 1715, the family of sympathizers who held the seat were forced to sell Airth Castle. Of course, these days, the castle is owned by Airth Castle Limited. A hotel and day spa has been operating there since 2004. It's also a popular location for weddings.
And that brings us to our first ghost. It was a photograph from a wedding in 2007 that caught the blurred image of the Green Phantom, a former groundskeeper who appears to visitors in a greenish ghostly vision. The ghost of the groundskeeper sticks to the lower floor of the castle, but he’s not alone.
Some people claimed to see a nanny with two young children roaming the halls. The two children are said to have died in a fire and their distraught nanny continued her charge. Sometimes the sound of children playing can be heard in various rooms. Four rooms in particular are popular spots for the faint sounds of ghost children. If you really want to give it a go, I suggest staying in room 3,4,9, or 23 when you visit.
At Airth Castle, you might also hear heavy footsteps near room 14 and, occasionally, the cries and screams of a maid attacked and then left to die by the noble in residence can also be heard. In fact, one online reviewer complained about the ruckus caused by this historic rape and murder revisited by ghosts.
And, finally, what’s a haunted castle without a ghost dog? Yep, a ghost dog in the hallways has been known to bite an ankle every now and again.
Airth Castle checks all the boxes. Creepy ghost children and their nanny. Innocent woman savagely torn from the living world by some evil rich dude. And we can’t forget the ghost dog.
I gotta tell you though, if you want to stay at Airth Castle, I’d start booking right away. Looks like they’re pretty packed straight through summer and at the time I’m scribbling this down, it is November. Plan ahead.
Airth Castle is considered one of the most haunted spots in Scotland and that’s saying something. Even though they might not boast quite the number of ghosts as, let’s say, Edinburgh Castle, the team of ghostly apparitions here keep things a little more lively with frequent appearances and the occasional wedding photo bomb.
Alas, my darlings, I believe we’ve used up all our time today, but I enjoy these brief moments we get to spend together. Drop me a line on social media if you have any special topics you’d like us to explore. Maybe corrections when needed. No one’s perfect.
Except you. You are the best you. Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t be a better you, but you are still the best you out there.
Until next time, I wish you ghostly visions. From a safe distance.
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https://moonmausoleum.com/the-malcanis-guarding-the-fortress/
https://thelittlehouseofhorrors.com/akershus-castle/
https://www.norwegianamerican.com/haunted-norway/
https://www.cntraveler.com/gallery/haunted-castles-around-the-world
https://burg-eltz.de/en/the-eltz-family
https://great-castles.com/eltzghost.html
https://moonmausoleum.com/the-warrior-countess-ghost-of-eltz-castle/
https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/dukatenmannchen
https://burg-eltz.de/en/the-castle
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airth_Castle
http://www.airthcastlehotel.centuryhotelsgroup.com/
